


How Rare and Beautiful (Don’t forget me, please. I am Kim Jongdae)

by konigstreukjdosh



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26619016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/konigstreukjdosh/pseuds/konigstreukjdosh
Summary: He was so sure he’d just accept it if they’ll forget him and he’ll just disappear quietly, but maybe, all he really want is to be found.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Oh Sehun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22
Collections: Shall we Chen? Fictional Fest First Round





	How Rare and Beautiful (Don’t forget me, please. I am Kim Jongdae)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. It's my first fic, and i'm shy, and i don't know how i finished this with my hay-wired brain, and i know i could have written this better, but huhu just please bear with me as i'm not good with putting words together, so please don't expect too much T.T.  
> ps.  
> i don't know if i made sense at all, but still thank you huhuhu

A sharp pain slithered to his heart. Something red fell on the collar of his shirt. It was blood and it continued to pour out of his mouth. He wasn’t able to hold himself up and fell on his knees and he heard someone next to him, screamed in panic. Why? Is it that time already? He tried to move his hands, but his hands just barely moved as he was losing his energy already. He is also slowly losing his consciousness and he is so scared right now. His surroundings were hectic but a pain so great that he couldn’t move or speak overcame his soul and his consciousness faded away.  
“Please… Please, just someone… Help me… It hurts. I don’t want to leave again… I don’t want to leave him..”  
But soon, the darkness trapped him.

\-------------------------- 

He slowly opened his eyes and it was dark and cold. Was he under the magic of exploration again? The one that happens every time his time is up? Time here was nothing as it resembles an unending path that leads to nowhere, leaving him behind, clueless and hopeless. His heart felt anxious, and he again felt like he was a little child left behind by his parents in a subway, a cycle that he called a never-ending curse. He sat up and hugged his legs, his head lowered and pressed against his knees. He had already experienced this before, so it was strange. After a long time had passed, and he was contemplating if he was dead or if his soul was still wandering around, floating at an unknown space like the first time he came to Elyxion.

Sehun, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Jongin in the Elyxion were the most precious people he’d come to treasure. They are the only people he got in there and the only people who cherished him back even when he couldn’t completely open himself to them. They were precious, he knows they are, but maybe he could still live well even if they all disappeared. Maybe, they wouldn’t even notice him being gone, right? Maybe, all this time, he was the only one thinking he was somehow accepted. Yes, maybe, they were just putting up with him because they pity him. And maybe by thinking this way, he could probably save himself from the heartbreak. And that they’ll never cross-paths even when he comes back. Yes, that’s what he wished for. Yes, that’s what he’s thinking but why does his heart says no? Why is his heart throbbing with so much pain? Why does this hurt him so much? Ah yes. It was his mistake thinking this was all his in the first place. Having all those luxuries made him this soft. That was why he felt like crying. But this is right. Rather, everything he had up until now was very strange to him, really. There’s no way he would be this lucky, and there’s no way he could get that happy. It doesn’t make sense that he’d been living like he owned the world until now when he knew an unbelievable tale is there, and is there to stay to make him miserable every damn time he’s happy. Perhaps, he should just give up on hoping for something that will never happen. That’s right. Stop dreaming. Stop hoping. His thoughts started to come in line. His unsteady and aching heart began to calm down.

He muttered under his breath and unknowingly, understanding his current situation.

“Oh, so that’s it.” small tears run down to his face, his trembling hands covered his mouth.

It was happiness that suddenly appeared, so it was suddenly disappearing too. Like everything had gone back to normal. Like how it was always supposed to be. Because it was all already decided before he even know it, and he’s not given a choice but to be led in it, succumb in it. How fucked up is that, huh? He thought this situation was unrealistic, but the fact that this situation turned into his curse was unreal. ‘Emptiness? Loneliness? A feeling like he’d always been cheated in this life and he couldn’t escape from it?’ When did he start to have these luxurious thoughts? When did he start believing that he won’t go away and become forgotten? Was it after experiencing the things and feelings he didn’t know he wouldn’t have if not because of the chance of meeting them? Did he feel like he was going to die without it, them and him? How come he became this weak-hearted? This is too painful for him. This hurts him so much more than he could ever imagine. It was his fault because he let his guard down hoping that it was all just a dream and that finally, he found his place.

He, Kim Jongdae, a traveller from a parallel space, was alone from the very beginning. Yes, that was how it was, how it should be. Parallel space is on a different galaxy that hasn’t been discovered until now, even with the use of the well-developed technology in this modern day. He can’t remember how one day; he just woke up on an unfamiliar vast field full of dandelions, all lost and frightened.

To be honest, when he arrived at Elyxion, a small village at the south hill of the Country Exodus, his goal from when he first opened his eyes in this place was the same, as always; and that was him surviving. Everything that he had done until now was for survival. Pretending to be nice and cute. So, he shouldn’t have thought it was real. Even if the time he spent with them was fun and warm, he shouldn’t have forgotten the reason why he agreed to befriend them. It was all for him to survive because he had no one but himself to rely on. He didn’t want to be friends with anybody because he there is something uncertain to him, and yet, fate pulled a prank on him and now he’s paying for that price.

Wiping his tears away, he exhaled deeply before raising his head only to find a certain familiar silence. He couldn’t see anything. And he was afraid. But he realized he had gone through this, so maybe he should just wait for that light. At the meantime, he shouldn’t think too deeply as it won’t help him at the moment. He took a deep breath.

The real question was is he dead? He guesses not. He hadn’t seen that blinding the light that he’s supposed to see every time he’s transported to somewhere unfamiliar. Or, is his soul was left doomed away in this darkness? Come to think of it, he wonders how long have he been out? Have they found his body? Or was his body out there in the cold, rotting? Or was it being feasted by some birds right now? For a while, he spent the minutes like he always did. Staring off faraway, lost in wonders… Now that he thought about it, this wasn’t too bad. Right? He could just sleep and sleep and sleep. He shakes his head in disagreement. He thinks he prefers to die instead of staying in here all alone in the dark. What’s the point of staying in here, alive and having all the sleep he could get, but at the end of it all, he’ll be forever in darkness? Fake positivity won’t help but being pessimistic won’t, as well. Moping and crying won’t do good in his situation. He thought of something better to do to divert his attention but his mind drifted back to the people his heart longed for, even if he denies it.

Ah, he wonders how they are doing right now? He should not be remembering their worried face looked like whenever he spaces out. The images of Baekhyun’s silly face while trying to piss off Kyungsoo when the latter was reading something about baking and how Baekhyun would make him his human shield against Kyungsoo shouldn’t put a smile on his face. It shouldn’t also comfort him when he remembers how Chanyeol and Jongin would laugh out loud and do a high-five whenever they win on a game they’re playing and how they’ll boast how good they are at it to him. His heart shouldn’t hurt when he misses how Sehun would just shrug at the chaos their friends were making and instead would just hold his hand and look at him like he’s the only one that matters… He stopped himself and blinked. Sehun… He felt a tight grasp on his heart as soon as his face popped up inside his head. A beautiful look of a perfectly powerful jawline that accompanies a great expressive pair of orbs, a nice line of nose and a thin curvy sweet tasting lip. His Sehun. 

“I miss you so much.” he finally gave in and cried his heart out. The feelings he kept buried for a long time suddenly poured like a raging storm and is now causing tidal waves to his whole existence. 

He thought he could live like this but no, he doesn’t want to be alone again.

“I am so stupid. I want to see them again. I don’t want to be alone again.” He cried again.

His unmoving empty heart made him feel empty as well. Should he really feel this was a feeling he was used to, so he should just be satisfied? He was tired of always feeling anxious and scared. He was tired running away but he was more scared that if he tells them who he is, they might never believe him and worst comes to worst, he’s more afraid to know that they might despise him.

“Hyung!!!!”

“Jongdae!!!!”

\-------------------------- 

“What if hyung never wakes up?!” he heard Jongin’s voice. He assumed the ‘hyung’ he was talking about was him.

“Don’t say that! Jongdae will come back! He must or I’ll never talk to him again!” Baekhyun threatens. Oh, they’re here? He struggled to open his eyes but he can’t move his body at all. Is he finally back?

“Don’t cry, the both of you. Jongdae wouldn’t like that.” Chanyeol consoles the two.

They’re here! Oh my god, they’re really here with him. I want to see them. I want to be with them, now, please.

As if someone heard his wishes, a forceful cough from his lungs made him stir and got back to the present. He flinched when he felt his head hurts like a giant hammer was pounded a thousand times to his head. When he opened his eyes, he saw familiar faces of the people he’d been thinking of and noticed how worry was etched on their faces. They all froze for a second when they saw him as if they just saw a dead person come back to life. 

“Oh my god!”

“Jongdae-hyung! Can you hear me? Where do you feel hurt?”

“Jongdae! Thank God! You’re awake!”

“Dae! How are you feeling??”

“Jongdae!!!”

They all loudly asked in unison as if they’ve been practicing in sync and he finds it funny. No, he was relieved to see them again and that all of what just happened was just a bad passing dream. And that’s why he laughed a little not minding his still throbbing headache. His friends stared at him, not believing that he was laughing while there they are, almost losing their shit because of his sudden loss of consciousness. 

Jongdae realized that he was lying on his bed. He slowly sat down, and Baekhyun and Jongin who were at the far end side of the bed rushed to his side to help him. Baekhyun almost tripped, though. 

“I’m okay. What happened?” he asked, even though he was aware of what happened. He looked around, looking for a certain person. “Where is Sehun?”

“We forced him to take a rest so he’s sleeping at the couch on your living room.” Chanyeol replied, pointing at where his living was. “He’s so worried that he wouldn’t leave your side. We’re afraid he’d pass out next.”

He nodded in understanding, grateful that Sehun has them to look after him when he couldn’t. “H-how long have I been out?” I asked, fidgeting.

Baekhyun sat next to him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. He buried his head to the crook of his neck and he felt a light sob. Jongin did the same and hugged him and Baekhyun who was silently crying. He just caressed both of their arms. He was very sorry for making them worry about him. 

It was Kyungsoo who answered. “A month.”

To say he shocked was an understatement. He was gone for too long! “A month?” he repeats to himself. The last time this happened, it took him only a few days. But, now…

Kyungsoo nods. “You’ve been lying lifeless there for a month, Dae.”

He felt the two tightens their hugs on him. 

“I was so afraid you’ll never come back, Jongdae.” Baekhyun murmurs silently on him. His voice shivering. “No matter how much I call for you, you never wake up.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes. He made them all worried about him. He felt guilty after seeing their crying faces. They looked like they had a hard time because of him. “I’m sorry for making you all worry about me.”

“No, Jongdae hyung!” Jongin shook his head fervently. “We’re more thankful that you’re okay now.” The younger kept on wiping away his tears but failed miserably. He laughs. God, their baby Jongin is truly such a gentle person. 

“Don’t cry, Baek, Jongin. I’m here. I’m here.” He soothes the both them by caressing and drawing circles on their hands. “I’m here now.”

“Jongdae,” Chanyeol calls on him softly. He looks so serious that it’s hard to tell it’s Chanyeol. Among them, Chanyeol was always the playful one next to his boyfriend, Baekhyun. He’d never see him this serious, and to say that he is seeing such a determined aura around him made him anxious. “What happened to you?”

Everyone was silent. Jongdae realized that they’ve come to this point and it was selfish of him to keep it any longer to them. They deserved his honesty. But he wasn’t sure if could talk about it now, or if he can even find the perfect time to say it. He’s stil the coward Jongdae who only knows how to run away.

Kyungsoo, sensing his udiscomfort, butts in, putting down the tray full of food in front of him. “Before we talk, let Jongdae eat and rest first. He can’t go anywhere, anyway. And there’s Sehun, too and I’m sure he’ll throw a tantrum because he wasn’t the first person Jongdae saw when he woke up.” Kyungsoo sighs. He noticed the dark circles under his eyes and once again, he felt guilty but also grateful. He knew they’ve been taking good care of him.

“Thank you, Soo.” I smiled apologetically.

“Finished everything and I’ll think about it.” He replied to him casually although he knows Kyungsoo is as soft as his boyfriend Jongin. His tough façade was only a cover.

Baekhyun, on the other hand, tightens his grips on his arm. “Ha. Let that baby giant sulk. I’m the one who’s gonna take care of Jongdae first.”

“No! I’m gonna stay here with Jongdae-hyung until he’s fully recovered!” Jongin tugged his arm. “Hyung, if you need anything, just call my nam- aw! Sehun you little- ouch damn!”

“Hey let go of me, you chick baby!” Baekhyun protested.

The two was pulled out by Sehun. He didn’t notice him entering the room but his presence made his heart flutters in relief. After he took the two away from him, Sehun immediately hurried back to his side and pulled him for a tight hug. He hugged him back as if he was his lifeline. Sehun’s familiar scent calms him that’s why he buried his head to his chest. He clearly hears his heartbeat and he knew he was truly home. 

“Sehun,” he calls out his name. He didn’t know why but it made him cry. He was just hopeless awhile back when he was alone in the dark, but now he found his light, back to Sehun.

Sehun broke the hug and held Jongdae’s face. Jongdae immediately felt the warmth of Sehun’s big hands and lean on it. The younger stared at him for a minute, his eyes showing mixed emotions. “You’re back,” he whispers, before slowly brushing his lips against his and gave him a long, deep passionate kiss. He wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him back. They shared a kiss that represent how both of them were grateful to be back at each other’s arm.

\-----------------------

“I think we should hear from him now, Sehun.” Chanyeol tossed a can of beer to Sehun who was sitting at the other side of the couch. They were still at Jongdae’s house. It was already passed midnight and they were the only ones staying at the living room. Although, Jongdae assured them that he’s totally fine now, the gang, especially the two clingy babies namely Baekhyun and Jongin, insisted to still look after Jongdae (meaning they’ll sleep beside him and cling to him like koala in their sleep), no matter how much Sehun disagrees. Sehun wants a “me-time” with his hyung slash boyfriend, but seeing how Baek and Jongin wouldn’t back down and would fight him neck to neck, he half-heartedly gave up. Plus, he knows his Kyungsoo hyung would also want to stay with Jongdae too, even if he isn’t vocally active like the two. But in truth, Sehun is very thankful for his friends. If they haven’t been there in there with him the whole time that Jongdae was lying lifeless, he wouldn’t probably make it. Sort of bad things already passed through his mind and he’s slowly losing it. He was so scared he’d lose him, and that this time, he wouldn’t notice at all. Sehun knew they were all scared. They all feel terrible and useless.

“I don’t know, Yeol.” He shook his head, “If Jongdae hasn’t said something about it, then he must have a reason for not telling us.” He opened his can of beer and drank from it. 

“And if this ever happened again? We don’t know what would happen by then.”

His jaw tightened at the thought, a wave of fear rose from him. How could he ever bear it?

“I don’t know, Yeol.” He leaned his back on the couch and closed his eyes. Remembering the few days before the accident happened, and the day of the accident itself made him frustrated. As much as possible, he doesn’t want to think about it but it keeps on hunting him. Few seconds of him being late, and he could have lost Jongdae forever. They could have forgotten him forever and no one would remember he ever existed. Is that even possible? When he thought about it, it looks like a children’s story to get a children’s attention. But after analyzing and putting some pieces of happenings before, he couldn’t believe it as well, but he came to an absurd conclusion. “It’s been years and I think I know why it feels like sometimes, Jongdae couldn’t still fully open his heart to me,” he gave a sad, bitter smile to his Chanyeol hyung, “to us.”

“Sehun-“ 

“I still couldn’t forget that day, Chanyeol. If,” his voice cracked, “no, until now it hunts me, what if I didn’t remember? I’m so mad at myself Chanyeol hyung. I said I love Jongdae, but how could have I forgotten about him…” There was the mixture of frustration, anguish, fear, and anger in there. 

“No one’s blaming you, Sehun.” Chanyeol drank from his can of beer before looking at him seriously. “We’ve forgotten about him too, didn’t we?”

//  
Lately, Sehun was feeling odd. It was a feeling like he’s forgetting some things that are very essential to him, and yet he can’t really tell what it is. Just like now, it feels like he has an important thing to do but he wasn’t sure so he just shrugged it off and laze at his room. It was a cold Saturday night and he was alone. He hadn’t had his dinner yet, and was contemplating if he’d go grab a quick dinner at his favorite diner downtown or he’d just cook. A sudden idea popped up so he immediately grabbed his phone and dialed Jongin’s number. His brow furrow when his call wasn’t answered. He took a look at his phone and confusion floods in him. Kim Jongdae? Who is Kim Jongdae? He was sure this name doesn’t ring a bell to him, but why was it saved to his contact and to add, there was a yellow and green heart attached on it. He’s not that kind of person to put emojis and stuffs on his contacts. He tried calling the number again but it was unattended. Okay? He tried once more but he got nothing. He called Jongin, now with the correct number, and only after a few rings it was picked up.  
“Sehun-ah.”  
“Nini, do you know someone named Kim Jongdae?” he asked immediately, thinking how they’re both Kims, so Jongin would probably knew him.  
“Kim Jongdae? No, haven’t heard about him. What’s up?”  
“Ah, nothing. Sorry I’ll call you again later.” He dropped the call even when Jongin was still saying something.  
Sehun fell in trance. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly bothered. So, he called his other friend.  
“Chanyeol hyung.”  
“Oh, Sehun-ah. You called?”  
“Hyung, where are you?”  
“We’re eating Kebab at the Market. Why?”  
“Ah, nothing. By the way, hyung, do you know someone named Kim Jongdae?” he asked for the second time.  
“Kim Jongdae?” there is a pause before he answered him. “I don’t. Who is Kim Jongdae? Wait, I’m gonna ask Baekhyun. Hey baby, do you know someone named Kim Jongdae? Sehun’s asking.”  
He heard a faint ‘hello Sehun-ah!’ and ‘but no, I’m not sure.’ on the other line.  
“Thanks, hyung, I’ll call you later, okay? Bye.” He hangs up not waiting for Chanyeol’s answer.  
That’s strange, though. Elyxion is a small village, therefore almost everyone knew one another. For his friends who were named as the friendliest in the whole village, and not a single one of them knew this person means there’s something going on…

Sehun decided to walk off the busy streets to divert his attention. He was still bothered but he doesn’t know what to do. Sighing, he just walks off at his favorite Diner to have dinner when he suddenly stops at his tracks. Flashes of blurred memories flashed to his memories.

“Sehunnnieee!!!! Meet me at the park first and then let’s go to the market to eat that famous kebab, okay!!! Saturday, 8pm!!! Don’t forget!!! Chanyeol and Baekhyun said they’ll meet us there!!!!”

“Sehunnnieee!!!! Meet me at the park first and then let’s go to the market to eat that famous kebab, okay!!! Saturday, 8pm!!! Don’t forget!!! Chanyeol and Baekhyun said they’ll meet us there!!!!”

“Sehunnnieee!!!! Meet me at the park first and then let’s go to the market to eat that famous kebab, okay!!! Saturday, 8pm!!! Don’t forget!!! Chanyeol and Baekhyun said they’ll meet us there!!!!”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!” Sehun turned back to the park’s direction and ran as fast as he can. “FUCK, FUCK, NO!”

\--------------------------

Jongdae leaned his back against the thin cold wall that seperates him to the two men who were drinking on his living room. Awhile ago, he woke up feeling stuffy, only to see Baekhyun clinging to him tightly. Jongin’s feet was curled with his left leg, but Jongin’s hugging Kyungsoo who was sleeping next to him. He wonders if his bed was always that big for them to fit, but it didn’t matter. He is just too happy he was able to come back. He quietly left the room, only to hear Sehun and Chanyeol talking.

“It’s been years and I think I know why it feels like sometimes, Jongdae couldn’t still fully open his heart to me,” a slight pause, “to us.”

Jongdae’s heart sank upon hearing Sehun’s thoughts. He didn’t notice he was already crying. He knew this to himself, but hearing them from the one he loves make it more painful. He thought he hid it well to himself, but he guessed they noticed. Was he selfish that he kept it all to himself? That time, he thought to himself that he wouldn’t get too close to them because he knew what was to come and he can’t afford to be hurt. He just thought that he’s just going with the flow with them, but later on, as he spends more time with time, he came to love them. He loves everything about Baekhyun even when he’s annoying the hell out of him sometimes. He loves the cry-baby Jongin who always cling to him and treated him like his older brother. He adores Chanyeol for his passion on music and how everyone can rely on him. He also admires Kyungsoo’s honesty and kindness. And of course, how he fell in love with Sehun’s soft personality that he really can’t resist. Sehun had him at a single hello, and will forever have him in a heartbeat.

But there’s also his fear. He knows these people accepted him, but how will they take his story? He’s afraid they’d get mad at him for being dishonest about himself. Would they believe him, though? 

He hugged himself. 

For once, he just wants to break free with this dilemma. It may sound crazy to them, but he wants to be honest to them and make them understand. That if ever that time truly comes, he understands.

“Jongdae!!!” 

Jongdae jumped out of surprised. A sudden weight was placed in him. Baekhyun was already hugging him and he noticed he was shaking. 

“Baekhyun?” they all turned around, Chanyeol and Sehun were already looking at them. “What happened?”

Chanyeol walked over Baekhyun, and Sehun pulled him closer to him. He looked up at the still quite Sehun, and he was already looking at him. 

“We woke up and we didn’t see Jongdae. We kinda panicked.” Kyungsoo, who was standing in front of them and has his arms folded, explained to the two men. Jongin settled himself down at the carpeted floor, while Baekhyun, who’s calmed down now, was sitting at the sofa and has his face buried against Chanyeol’s shoulder. Jongdae was sitting in between Sehun’s leg, his back leaning at the buff chest of his lover, while Sehun’s chin was resting on his shoulder and his strong arms wrapped on his waist. He can feel Sehun showering him with small kisses on his shoulder once in a while, but he doesn’t mind. It made him feel secure. 

There was a complete silence on the room. None of them talked nor asked. Only their breathings could be heard and Jongdae knows. It was always like this. They’re waiting for him to open up himself.

If hearing Sehun’s sentiments made his heart sank a while ago, seeing his friends this gloomy made him loathe himself. He didn’t want them looking so down because of him. Because of his selfish decisions. He sniffed out, trying hard not to cry in front of his friends. If they saw him in this state, he’ll make them worry again and he doesn’t want that. 

He fidgets on his seat, though. He looked at them once more. This maybe the good opportunity for him to talk. So, they could finally understand. He may never find the courage and ran away again, so he exhaled deeply. He knew Sehun’s already sensing his nervousness, as he left a small kiss on the crook of his neck. It was always how Sehun does when he’s nervous, and it always work. He felt his nerves calm down.

“Sehun,” he quietly called for him, not facing him back. 

“If you still need time, we can wait for you, hyung.” He felt like crying again. How come Sehun knows what’s going on inside his head. And how come he’s still so patient with him? “But, believe in us.”

He nods his head. “Hold me.” He soflty muttered, and he did. His hands found mine immediately.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. 

“Do you guys know how long we’ve known each other?” he quietly asked while he bravely met their confused looks. Their eyes look puzzled to why is he suddenly asking them that, but he remained silent, and waited for their answers. “Do you remember the first time you met me?” he added.

“We’ve known for almost a year now!” Baekhyun confidently answered. 

“Yeah,” Jongin agrees. “You were a transferee student on our Senior high and then a few days later, we became friends!” he chipped in.

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo stayed still while listening to the others, but he could see that they’re thinking deeply, and already figured out that something was wrong.

“That’s partly correct,” he stated, “but not entirely.” He gently removed Sehun’s arms around him, and stand up to be able to face them all.

“What do you mean by that, Dae?” 

He glanced over Sehun who was silent all this time. Jongdae doesn’t know what is running on his boyfriend’s mind right now, but the words Sehun muttered awhile ago keeps echoing on the back of his head. Believe in us.

“I’ve known you guys for 6 years already, but you only remember less than a year worth of memories with me.” he said nonchalantly.

He saw how confused and shock they were at his sudden confession. He expected this reaction from them, but he still feels uneasy. How would take his story? But, he have decided already and he can’t back out now. He has to do this because he came to love them, and they deserve to know the truth. It will hurt him think back to their memories that only him knows.

A stinging pain shoot down on his heart as he goes on.

//  
The burning sensation coming from the sunrays welcomed him as he opened his eyes. He yawns and stretched his arms, but stop mid-way when he saw his surroundings. Where the hell is he? He stood in daze as he scanned the place, and he only saw a vast field of blooming beautiful flowers. This wasn’t his room, nor his home. Was this a dream? He slowly walked and checked the field, but there was no one in there. He walked some more, and even though he was very nervous of what’s going on, he can’t help but be in awe of the great scenery that was laid before his eyes. Although the sun was all up and mighty, the breeze of the air was enough to cool it down, and thus, making it more enjoyable to observe the flowers. He can tell that the flowers were diligently cared of, and he wonders how they are called. In the parallel space he’d come, although they have flowers, they weren’t beautiful as these.

“They’re called dandelions,” he jolts down at the sudden voice that spok, that made him tripped on his foot and fell down flat on his butt on the ground. The sudden surprised of another presence behind him almost gave him a panic, if only he did not meet a pair of gorgeous orbs staring back at his. In front of him, stood up a demi-godlike young man whose features would put all of the existing creatures on his planet, and no, he’s not kidding, to shame. The man was so tall, and has broad shoulder. He also noticed his flawlessly perfect body proportion even though he was just wearing a lose plain black shirt and a pair of jogging pants and slippers. 

“What?” he dumbly asked, still on the ground. He suddenly had no energy to stand up.

“You were mumbling to yourself what are these flowers and I’m answering you,” he squatted down to his level and pointed out a flower next to him, “These are dandelions.”

He doesn’t know what to do in that situation. Should he talk to him? But, what if he’s a bad guy even though he’s drop dead gorgeous and doesn’t look like one, but he has this cold aura around him so he was not really sure and that’s why he can’t let his guard down! 

“Where am I?” he asked instead. 

He gave him an odd look. 

“What?”

“You’re not from here. Who are you?” the handsome man asked back, raising his brow at him.

He stood up first, ignoring him, and shake off the dust that got on his pants. If he wasn’t gonna get an answer from him, then he’d just find them himself. He walked away from the stranger, thinking that he’ll be left alone, but he was wrong. 

“Hey, that’s a dead end already.” He heard him yell. 

\--

It’s been days ever since he set foot in Elyxion, the place he was unbelievably put in. After that fateful encounter with that man, who named himself as Sehun, he was now put under the village’s custody. Since he told them he doesn’t remember anything, and he tried his best to look innocent and harmless, he pulled it off and he was given an old inn that was used for accommodating visitors. It was big enough and was also completely furnished much to his surprise. Are all the people living in this village very accommodating and generous? 

“Go on, state your name.” the old looking professor motioned him to talk as he now stood in front of many students in a four cornered room. 

Since he has nothing to do, and he still can’t find a way back to his place, he passively agreed when they told him to enroll as a freshmen student. He thought it was a good idea to learn and observe more about this place and its inhabitants.

That’s why he’s here. 

“I am Kim Jongdae,” he said lazily. The name he mentioned was not his real name, of course. It was given by Sehun, when he told them he doesn’t remember anything including his name. Speaking of, that guy was in this class and he was looking straight at him. 

He blatantly ignored him.

"I'm sorry I can’t go." was his flat standard reply when Sehun asked him to grab something to eat after the classes; he had his mind set - he wouldn't attach himself to anyone. Because it was the right thing for him. And for the people around him.

Few months passed, and he’s getting used to his life in here. It wasn’t bad at all, though, he wasn’t completely enjoying his stay here. He still has his worries of the effects of him staying out for too long from his original habitat, but so far, he hadn’t felt any dangerous changes to his body.

But fate has different plans. And once again, he'd find that life cheated on him. And it was his choice now.

He became friends with Sehun, much to the persistence of the latter. Also, Sehun introduced him to his other friends. It was okay. He can just hang out with them, but not necessarily get too close to them. 

“Hyung, you’re spacing out again!” Sehun was being noisy again. Jongdae rolled his eyes at him. 

“What do you want now?” he asks, uninterested. It was a ‘self-study time’, that’s why everyone got to do whatever they want. Some went out to grab snacks, the rest he doesn’t know and he doesn’t care. He was just staring off, lost in thoughts, and Sehun just decided to break that.

“I brought you iced-coffee! But you’re not paying attention to me,” Sehun sat down next to him, putting down two large cups on his desk and pouts. He still can’t believe it when Sehun acts childish in front of him. His first impression of him of being snobby and cold was almost non-existent now.

“What are you thinking of?” he curiously asked, already putting a straw to one of the cups, and handed it to him. He absent-mindedly accepted the coffee and murmurs a short ‘thanks’.

“Oy, Sehun ah! You brought coffee! Where’s ours?” complained by Baekhyun. He didn’t notice their arrival. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were holding lots of breads on their arms.

“Jongdae, here’s a cream bun! It’s tasty.” Baekhyun goofily offered. “But, let me sip on your coffee please? It’s so hot outside.”

“More than bread, you need to eat something nutritious. You’re pale, and I can’t turn a blind eye to that,” it was the short man with big eyes that spoke, and handed him a cooked meal.

“Kyungsoo!!! You cooked!! Where’s mine??” Jongin rushed to Kyungsoo’s side. The latter handed several boxes to the rest.

“They’re nice people, aren’t they?” Sehun said in between laughs, as he starts to eat. He stared down at the food in front of him and a surge of uneasiness rose up from him. 

But as more time passes, he learned to like them. He started feeling happy whenever he was with them, but he still fears the price of it.

It was around April when that thing happened. When he entered the room one morning, no one remembers him anymore.

He ran away.

//

Jongdae let them take on his reveals. He knew this would come off as something absurd, and yet he can’t stop now. The mixed confusion was written all over their faces, as if contemplating whether he was being real or not. He can’t blame them though. Who would believe such a story at this point of modernization?

“But, why can’t we remember?” Kyungsoo asked, still in shock. Everyone is.

It’s a long explanation, and he knew it wasn’t easy.

“You forget about me when the spring comes.” He tried to put it simply, but it was an incredulous explanation. He was expecting them to laugh at it and say he was just probably high from the fainting, but when he looked at them, they were all seriously listening to him. This was solely one of the reasons why the iron wall he put up got taken down. Their sincerity to him reaches the core of his heart, and it’s warming him.

“I know, this sounds like a child’s tale but I am not from here. I am from a parallel space, like an equal of this planet, and we lived just like you.”

“If that’s true, how did you suddenly end up here?” Chanyeol questioned. 

He shakes his head. “I still don’t how how I end up travelling here. Parallel spaces never collides in the orbit of this galaxy, as there’s no point of intersection. Our fates are never in line as well, and we should have never met, but I don’t know, it suddenly happened.”

“Wait, if that’s true, does it correlate as to why we forget you, as you said earlier?” 

“I am never a part of this world, and therefore, forcing my existence will make an unbalanced situation, I think, that’s why in the natural law, it’s erasing that commodity.” he shared. “And because it can’t completely erase a complete genetic molecule like me, it needs an alternate to make the balance.”

“And you think it’s our memories?” Sehun suddenly blurted out. His brows were furrowed, as to why, he was not sure.

“Yes,” he shortly answered. “It’s the easiest way to manipulate to fix the problem. If you don’t remember I ever existed, though I’m not sure, it restores balance.” He tiredly lets out a sigh. 

“That’s fucking wrong,” Sehun cusses to his surprised, anger was now visible in his handsome face. “Why would the fucking universe decide what’s right and wrong?!” 

“Sehun,” he went to him and hold his arm to soothe him. “It’s okay, that’s how things work.”

“No!” Sehun closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he stared at him intently. “You were suffering all these time because of that freaking natural law- but I refused to be ruled like that.” He inhales deeply, and Jongdae was now in confusion. What is he talking about?

“What are you talking about, Sehun?” they all asked in chorus.

“Do you remember everything?” Baekhyun asked in puzzle.

All eyes were on Sehun. Jongdae, who knew what would be his answer, smiled in agony. How could he remember him? No one can defy what’s already planned.

“No,” was his expected answer, and Jongdae nods in acceptance. But what Sehun stated next startled them all. “But I got an idea of what’s happening.”

Sehun grabbed his bag that was on the center table and pulled out a small journal. He walked back and showed it to us. Everyone gathered around him and took a look at what’s inside. 

Jongdae can’t believe what’s he reading as some of the written words were read aloud by Baekhyun.

Monday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
I caught the petite but cute guy staring at our direction again. What’s with him? He looked sad whenever he looks at us. Or am I thinking too much? He was our classmate but he never talks to anyone. He’s always alone.

Tuesday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
I approached him during lunch and he was surprised. But I think I like his voice. And his eyes- And his cute nose. And the way his lips curled when he’s trying look pissed. And his sharp jaw and high cheekbones screams quality of perfection. I’ll continue talking to him. 

Wednesday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
He’s cute when he’s acting all tough. I really like talking to him. It makes me want to tease him more. Small guy says I should just call him “Hyung.” when I asked his name because I seem to always forget his name.

Thusday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
Small guy is nice. He really has a nice talking voice. Oh, his eyes- it’s sparkly as if it traps the constellation in there when he’s smiling, but when I caught him smilling, he frowned. Hyung’s lips reminded me of cats. He looked like a cat. I introduced him to my friends, and I think they all liked him.

Friday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
Jongdae? Oh, okay. Hyung is Jongdae. Nice name.  
Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae.  
I won’t forget, Jongdae.

Jongdae can’t believe this. Sehun was writing their interactions!

“But if you have this, then why did you still forget him that time. You could have just read it from here.” Jongin inquires. They all stared at him. 

“That notebook served only as an evidence that Kim Jongdae truly existed in mine- our life.” he said in a matter of fact. “I momentarily forgot about it. I was starting to forget things, and if you looked at the last entry, it was dated last few months before this.” 

“You had an idea, but you didn’t tell us?”

Sehun answers, “I wasn’t sure that time, but when we reached our junior years, same thing happened. How I kept noticing him looking at our direction with sad eyes, as if he just lost something very important and then there’s an urge inside me to be with him.” He explained to them. He held his hand, and kissed the back of it. “I know too, that even if I lose memories of you, I’ll still keep on coming back to your side.”

He was full on crying now. There’s a part of him that was celebrating in joy upon hearing those words, but there is still an uncertainty to all this. He looked at his friends and they were all looking at him. Disbelief was on their faces. 

“I’m so sorry I lied to you all.” He felt the need to apologize so he did in between his cries. If they won’t ever forgive him for lying, that’s okay but he can’t bear it if they’ll hate him. 

“Why are you apologizing?” Baekhyun and Jongin ran up to him. “Why are you the one apologizing when you’ve suffered so much and we’re not even aware of it?”

“Y-you believe me?” he stuttered, as he can’t seem to processed it. He was readying himself for the worst but… “You… You guys don’t hate me for lying to you?” his crying again as his emotions surges. Relief? Gratefulness?

He couldn’t express his happiness at that moment. He was so sure he’d just accept it if they’ll forget him and he’ll just disappear quietly, but maybe, all he really want is to be found.

“JONGDAE! DON’T TRY TO PUSH US AWAY, DO YOU HEAR ME!” Baekhyun wails loudly. 

Jongin was in that tune, too. “IF WE EVER FORGET YOU AGAIN, JUST GO STRAIGHT UP ON US AND SAY HOW DARE US FORGETABOUTYOU!”

Kyungsoo pats his head gently. “Silly. We might have forgotten a long period of years’ worth of memories with you, but we’re still here, right?”

“We still can make lots of memories.” Chanyeol added, and went to console the two who were still bawling their eyes out.

How silly of him, really. Sehun said he should believe in them. And he was right. They’ve accepted him without hesitation. He didn’t know when but he was already pulled for a group hug.

“Nothing will change. You’re just Jongdae, and we’re just us, too.” 

\-----------------------

After the dramatic confession, everyone fell asleep due to tiredness. It’s already past two in the morning and Jongdae and Sehun were sitting at his door’s entrance. They’re looking at the moonlight that was illuminating the whole dark sky, and let the stars decorates it.

“I’m sorry that I almost lost you, love.” Sehun held him and kissed the top of his head.

“Why didn’t you tell me you kind of remember?” He wasn’t preying or anything, he was just curious to know.

“You once told me: there will be farewells and new beginnings, and that they’ll become precious memories in our lives even if they’ll only hurt you in the future.” 

Jongdae titled his head in confusion. Sehun lied down at the floor, stretching his arm and tapping it, instructing him to lie down. He followed and rested his head on Sehun’s arm. Sehun immediately wrapped his other hand on his waist, and kissed him lightly on his lips.

“So?” Jongdae asked.

“I thought that I would want to give you memories that won’t hurt you in the future. That I hope to be there when it’s ending, and I’ll still be there when we’re starting all over again.” Sehun gently pinched the bridge of his nose, and nuzzled it. “Help me remember when I’m starting to forget, and don’t ever ran away from me, okay?” 

He embraced his boyfriend tighter and nods. “Even if I did, you’ve always found me, didn’t you?”

“I will.” 

\--------------------

It’s been few years since the last accident. 

And it happened a few times more, but Sehun made sure to fulfill his promise that he’d always find his way back to him.

Sehun did everything to remember him. From setting him as his phone’s wallpaper, with a text “Kim Jongdae, the love of my life.” The way the group cringed at that, but gave a thumbs up for his effort. 

“It’s been awhile since we went out for a bonfire! Ah, I’m just so happy.” Bekhyun exclaimed as they settled down on the at the camping ground. 

“Yeah, this feels like high school all over again.” Chanyeol added.

Jongdae smiled as he hears the exchange of pleasant throwbacks between his friends. They agreed to rest before they start making the bonfire since it’s still too early to set-up. So everyone had their ‘me-time’. He found a good shade from a big tree so he walked over there and put down his bagpack and sat on the ground.

“Here,” Sehun sat down next to him and handed him a bottle of water. “Are you okay, love? You’re not tired?” he asks worriedly

Jongdae giggles at him and rested his chin on his broad shoulder. “I’m fine.” and showed him his infamous cat smile that he knows Sehun loves. He saw him blushing and that made him chuckles even more. “Sehunnniee, you’re blushing.” He poked his cheeks. Ah, he missed this.

“No,” the younger denies, turning his head to the other direction but he pulled him closer to him and had his hand on his waist. Jongdae finds it too cute that he gave Sehun a quick kiss on the cheeks. Sehun got even redder when he turns to face him, pouting.

“Not fair. Why are you kissing my cheeks? My lips taste better, hyung.”

“Your cheeks were too fluffy on my angle though,” he teases.

“Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me.” His taller boyfriend chanted enthusiastically. He pulled him and made him sit to his strong thighs. Jongdae, for the first time smiled down to Sehun and looked at him lovingly. His hands softly trace his perfectly drawn jawline. He thought that his raw appearance only made him more attractive in his eyes, seeing his freckles on the face made him more impossibly handsome for him. His strong hard chest. His softly kissed his perfectly lined sculptured nose and Sehun closed his eyes and lets him continue. For Jongdae, he saw Sehun’s timeless beauty- yes given his physical appearance- but he was more than that. His patience, kindness and loveliness made him fall for him deeper. His hands softly caressed the lid of Sehun’s eyes and planted a gentle kiss on it as well. Sehun’s eyes were a pair of expressive rich brown that will stole breath while looking through your soul. His soft and long slick black hair that he loves to caress every time they hug. His hands were rough and strong yet at the same time gentle when they touch him. And his lips… oh, how he wanted to kiss that mouth. And so Jongdae did. It wasn’t like one of those close-mouthed kisses like they did back when they’re in high school. It was full on, open-mouthed, almost sexual kiss. And Jongdae loved it when Sehun opened his mouth to welcome him. He loved the way Sehun’s lean body melted into his, familiar touches still ingrained within their body. The way their lips fit like two puzzle pieces and the way Jongdae moaned when Sehun’s one hand pulled him head head to deepen their kiss and the other hand grips his hold to his tiny waist tighter and tighter. When they broke away after what seemed like ages, Jongdae who’s still in tranced looked at his wrecked lover with such overwhelming emotions that Jongdae thought he would explode if he wouldn’t let it out...

“I love you, Sehun.” he pressed his forehead to his boyfriend’s, “so so much.”

Sehun gave him a quick peck on the lips again, pulling him for a hug. “I love you, too. I love you, Jongdae.”

They were supposed to kiss again but Chanyeol and Baekhyun suddenly appeared in front of them, grinning like idiots. “If you lovebirds are done making out, would you help us now to set up the bonfire and help cook for dinner?” 

Sehun still kissed him one last time before standing up. 

\----------------------------

Bonus:  
Sneek peak on Sehun’s journal.

Saturday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
I’m very nervous that I’m chewing the straw of my ordered chocolate bubble milk tea while sneaking glances to Jongdae hyung whose sitting in front of me. He looks so cute with his oversized blue hoodie which made him looks so cuddly and huggable if those weren’t the same thing- and I- Oh Sehun, at the moment wanted to just throw myself at him, to hug him, kiss his eyes, his nose, his cheeks and his pinkish lips.  
“Sehunnnie? Are you okay?” he looks worried.  
“Hyung.”  
“Hmm? Is there a problem?” he looks at me with those promising orbs he has, knitting his eyebrows animatedly, already lending his ears to the next words I’m about to say.  
“I like you. I really really like you, Jongdae.”

Monday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
Jongdae hyung’s avoiding me. He won’t look at me in the eye- but his eyes we’re puffy and red- did I upset him? In the morning he didn’t greet me “Good morning” anymore and his smiles and his laughs and his jokes and his noisiness were gone as well. He’s putting up his walls again. At lunch, he didn’t eat with us. Baekhyun and Jongin asked but didn’t pry too much. I’m thankful. I don’t know what I should say to them yet.  
In the afternoon, he just left without looking back, without cutely saying “Take care Sehunnnie! See you again.”  
I’m upset.

Friday. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
The classes ended and Jongdae hyung left so fast again. I was not the only one he’s avoiding, he does it with the rest as well. I didn’t want to leave yet so I, Chnayeol and Jongin stayed at the room until there’s no one anymore. “He’s still not talking to me!!!!” And I told them what happened. And both of them told me I’m dumb. And I got mad at them so I hit them lightly on the shoulder but asked why anyway.  
“Asked him why he’s avoiding you!”  
I scoffed at Chanyeol. “You’re the dumb one! I told you he IS avoiding me. How am I supposed to ask him if he’s already running away the second, he sees me!” I shouted in frustration, running my hands on my hair.  
“Oh yeah, I guess that’s true.” Chanyeol said flatly and I made a sharp turn with my signature “what the fuck” look to throw at him.  
He defensively raised his hands. “Okay, okay, I mean maybe he needs a little more time?”  
“Kyungsoo and Baekhyun ran after him, Se. Let’s just wait for him to come around.” Jongin commented. “You know he’s pushing us all away.”  
I just buried my face on my desk because even if I hate the idea- I hate to think that Jongin hit the bull’s eye.

Saturday, Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
I’m walking along the fields full of dandelions when I noticed a silhouette laying down on the green grass.  
“Hyung?”  
The next thing was he sprint to his feet and was so ready to run away again if not only for his short legs and small steps and thank heavens for my long legs and long strides of steps, I was able to catch up with him, hold his hand and pulled him to me for an embrace. Thank heavens he wasn’t resisting my hug because I miss him.  
“Hyung if it bothers you so much, you can talk to me.” I softly said to him, wanting to make my intentions and feelings clear.  
He hides his face on my chest and his small hands curled into a ball of fist, clenching tightly on my shirt. His shoulders started to shake; muffled sobs escaped from him.  
I felt sad, upset of myself because I made Jongdae hyung cry. “It’s okay hyung. I’m sorry I made you cry.” I rubbed small circles to his back if this can even help him calm down a little bit. Maybe it worked since his shoulders didn’t shake much.  
“No, Sehunnie.” I heard him murmurs softly against my chest, and then he lifts his face that was all wet from his crying- his eyes red and puffy like the last Monday I saw him. This time, he didn’t avert his gaze from mine-  
“Hyung really it’s okay if you don’t feel the same-“ he shook his head so hard making me halt my speech and so I looked at him questioningly, confused-  
“I want to be with you too, Sehun.” a bloom of hope, and little light slowly rising from the core of my heart -  
“but I can’t.”  
to be shattered.

December. Date: XX-XX-XX; Time: XX-XX  
Class has just ended and we decided to stay at the library. There weren’t many students here. We didn't want to go home yet.  
"Do your homeworks already, love." I heard him say. He was already doing his own set of homeworks.  
"You're such a nerd sometimes, love." I mumbled, and already burying my face on the side of his neck. "You really smell nice."  
"Stop it, you giant baby!" he gently pushed my shoulders with his small hands but I didn't budge, instead I snuggled more and snaked my hands around his waist, pulling him closely to me, closing any left space we have.  
“It’s Christmas soon. Let’s celebrate it together love.” I blurted out of nowhere.  
“And new year?” I looked up to him, already beaming with happiness.  
“And new year.” I promised.  
“I love it whenever your eyes turns into crescent moon, love. It’s adorable.” He kisses my eyes, and I felt butterfly on my stomachs. It’s been months ever since we started to date, and yet Jongdae hyung never failed to make me feel so special, so loved, so cherished.  
I am contented, happy and so much in love with him.

January  
We kissed on January 1s t on the first stroke of the new year under the bright colorful display of fireworks. I feel so in love and I wished everyone to fall inlove, too.  
“I love you.” I uttered them slowly and clearly with the utmost affection and fondness. Even if they’re only inches apart, I repeated it again, professing once again my overflowing reverence for him. “I love you, Jongdae!”  
The noise around us quieted down; a different world coexisted exclusively only for the both of us and time stood still, favoring us in the short time, and as he focused his attention to me, his eyes studying me with such overwhelming warmth, seeking the truest of the truest sentiment of my soul. And I’m lost in him, to his eyes that holds the galaxy and to his soul that is so kind, so pure and so courageous.  
Such a beautiful smile he showed me and I wonder how such a beautiful art like Jongdae became mine- under the bright and shining lights, he stands there looking so ethereal, the lights graces to illuminate him, his eyes, his skin- him as a whole looking so transparent, one that could be invincible in any moment, and I blinked once,  
shaking my head as a surge of fear washes over me. I rushed to him, the need to touch him is so strong and to make sure he’s okay, and that he’s here with me, that he’s real. I hugged him tightly afraid that if I let him go, he’d completely and truly disappear.  
What was that all about?

February  
I’m holding his hands while we’re both lying on my bed. It was Saturday night, and February’s already coming to an end.  
“What are you thinking, love?” I want to know.  
He was silent for some time, and then he rolled over to face me. He rests his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “I’m thinking how much I love you.” he shared truthfully.  
“And?” I urged him to speak, pulling him on top of me. He buried his head on the crook of my neck. Feeling him breathe next to me- hearing his soulful voice comforts me; He’s still here. We’re still here.  
“I’m happy to see your smiles,”  
“Hm?”  
“I’m thankful for your love,”  
“I’m thankful for our time together”  
“And that I’m never regretting us,” he lightly drops a kiss on my ear-  
“You’re my greatest love,” he caressed my face and dips his head to grace attention to my jaw-  
“and will always be my precious consolation in my damned lifetime.” he kissed me on the lips- hard and needy- different from all the chase and soft kisses we shared.  
“You’re so beautiful, Sehun.”

March  
“Jongdae hyung! Let’s ride the bus together okay?”  
“Are we on the same direction, Sehunnnie?”

“Jongdae hyung! I found a really good music. Here, you might like it too!”  
“Oh it’s nice. What’s it called??”  
“Daydreamin by Exo-SC! Pretty nice.”

“Chen hyung! Let’s walk today. The weather’s nice.”  
“Let’s buy iced coffee, Sehunnie. It’s hot.”

“Chen hyung!”  
“Sehunnnie!”

April  
Who’s Kim Jongdae?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for being patient with me. :)


End file.
